Friday, March 28, 2008

No Sleep Till Brooklyn

NEIGHBOR SEX UPDATE*

Well, it was a nice 2 hours while it lasted. The sex-tro-nauts next door (I have determined from advanced aural triangulation that they are, in fact, in the apartment below me; I will continue to call them "next-door" anyway because I like the sound better. Poetic license and all that) changed things up a bit last night, and treated me to an entirely new form of loud noise that kept me awake:

A fight!

Oh, and it was a good one, too. There was lots of yelling, and I believe I heard bits about cheating and sex and all that good stuff. Apparently Mrs. Loud-Sex even slapped Mr. Loud-Sex at one point. The score remained tied until Mr. L-S decided to play the classic "well, why don't you leave then?" gambit; this backfired spectacularly when Mrs. L-S did, in fact, storm out the door. This was an intriguing development, and allowed for entirely new loud sounds to keep me awake: slamming doors, heavy footsteps, and the weirdly angry sounding "but I love you!" protests from Mr. L-S. And then it was quiet. Blissfully Serene. I could go to sleep.

2 hours later, I was awakened by the all too-familiar sounds of baby manufacture. Make-Up Sex! Loud stuff, too. Not that there's anything particularly bad about the sound -- it's just that I don't like being lied to. Don't go getting my hopes up just to crush them two hours later, Mr. and Mrs. Sex-Haver. That's just mean.

-deuce

*I suppose I should feel at least some bit of shame for writing detailed descriptions of my neighbors' sexual adventures and then posting them to the internet for all the world to see. Luckily, I am skilled at rationalizing even the most questionable moral decisions, and I say that it is my right -- nay, my duty -- to broadcast to the world the most intimate details of strangers who happen to live near me. I say this because (1) it's no longer a "private" action when everyone in your building can hear you, and (2) I refuse to be a victim in this. They hump, I blog.

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