L337 Haxx0r Skills

Now that I've found a spot in Yosemite with unsecured wi-fi access, everything is coming together. After slumming with the other peons in Camp 4, I've taken a quick trip my my new favorite nighttime spot in Yosemite: The Ahwahnee Hotel. Built in 1928, this gilded pile of luxury caters to the every whim of the park's most exclusive guests...and, in internet access terms, to a suitably sneaky laptop-equipped Dave.

The past couple days have been big hike days -- I've probably put in over 30 miles combined. Yesterday was my attempt up El Capitan, with new acquaintance Tomas -- a young German, about my age, who was in San Francisco for business and somehow got a week free to see the area. He joined me for my attempt up El Cap, under the guise of safety: presumably, if something terrible happened, one of us would notify the park rangers of the location. I learned very quickly, however, that the last thing I would need on the trails here was another person -- these are some of the most crowded hiking trails I have ever been on in my life. Until today, I have never had to stop and wait in line along a hiking trail.

Back to yesterday: the plan was to summit El Capitan, the imposing granite monolith that dominates the western end of the valley. Only one problem stood in our way: it was far away. This was especially apparent when viewing a topo map of the area. There was El Cap...and there was eight-plus miles of windy trail to get there. And there was Eagle Peak, a short spur off the trail, which was -- and this is the key point -- two miles closer. Tomas and I discussed our options briefly; we considered the distance (shorter good!), the time commitment (early hike finish = early happy hour), and the philosophical (you can see El Cap from Eagle Peak, but you can't see El Cap when you are standing directly atop it...so in a way hiking Eagle Peak is more an experience of El Capitan than El Capitan itself!). The choice was clear: Eagle Peak.

I am not nearly a good enough writer to describe how majestic, how beautiful, and how utterly overwhelming the scenery here is. I doubt even that the pictures I took would give a much better image. All I can say is that if you have visited Yosemite, you know exactly what I mean. And if you haven't visited, you damn well should. Needless to day, the views from eagle peak yesterday and from Half Dome today were incredible.

While on my hike today, I encountered a rare species on the trail: the "Fast-Hiking Asshole," or FHA. This is the fellow (it is always a male; I have yet to see or hear of a female variant) who treats hiking like a race: it is more important to pass other hikers than to actually enjoy the beauty of the hike. I myself am a frequent FHA: stomping up behind some poor slow hiker until they move slightly to the side, then rushing past them while issuing the iciest of glares, a look that seems to say "how dare you clog up my trail with your sloth-like gait? Begone from my trail before I push you off a cliff!"

I just didn't realize how much of a jerk I was (Well, maybe I did; I started hiking fast while in TFC, where any and all hikers are seen as ignorant, bumbling fools). What I discovered today (and only because I was not in good enough shape to prevent being passed myself) was that there were other FHA's out there. I suspect there were about a half-dozen, all told; they woulld jockey for position, passing each other whenever possible, dragging unwilling girlfriends or children along in their wake.

Uh oh -- the place is starting to clear out, and my presence may soon be revealed. To sum up quickly: i have resolved to not be such a dick when I blow by slower hikers on the trail. No, I have resolved instead to blow by my fellow hikers with a graceful, effortless elan, making my speed look so effortless that they will realize that they are boot-licking scum who are not fit even to cough on my dust.

I'm just a nice guy like that.

Other items: Lots of Europeans in the camp, most of whom are climbers. I have become friend ly with Umberto and Mark, two Italians who have come here for several weeks to climb the walls of the valley. They speak very good English, but I take pride in being able to educate them to the vagaries of the language, explaining words like "buttress" and "stem," and being able to tell them where Seattle is located.

I've also gotten very good at converting heights and distances to metric. Oh, you crazy Europeans! Please, continue to visit our country and drop your Euros into our faltering economy.

Time for some sleep.

-deuce-